Christmas Humor

Q.    Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A.    So he can ho-ho-ho.

Q.    Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A.    Because he had low elf esteem.

Q.    What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A.    Frostbite.

Q.    What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A.    Ribbon hood.

Q.    What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
A.    Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

Q.    What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmastime?
A.    Sandy Claus!

Q.    How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
A.    Fleece Navidad!

Q.    If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called?
A.    A subordinate claus.

Q.    Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor and Gambel?
A.    Its true....Comet cleans sinks!

Q.    Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?
A.    Because the angel had said,"No L!"

Q.    What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A.    Claustrophobic.

Q.    What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney?
A.    Pour Santa flush on him.

Q.    What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A.    Snowflakes.

Q.    Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?
A.    You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

Q.    Why did the snowman have a smile on his face ?
A.    Because the snowblower was coming down the block.
Q.    What do elves learn in school?
A.    The Elf-a-bet.

Q.    If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
A.    Mistletoe!

Q.    Where do polar bears vote?
A.    The North Poll

Q.    What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A.    Frost-bite.

Q.    What nationality is Santa?
A.    North Polish.

Q.    What do you get if you deep fry Santa?
A.    Crisp Cringle

Q.    What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus?
A.    We'll have a  BOO Christmas without you.

Q.    What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
A.    Santa Claus caught in a revolving door.

Q.    Why did the elf slide his bed into the fireplace?
A.    He wanted to sleep like a log.

Q.    Why does Scrooge love Rudolph?
A.    Because every buck is dear to him.

Q.    What did Santa Claus shout to the toys on Christmas Eve?
A.    OK everybody - sack time!

Q.    What kind of bird can write?
A.    A PEN-guin

Q.    Why do birds fly south for the winter?
A.    Because it is too far to walk.

How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer "Olive"?
Olive ?
Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him  names"
The 3 stages of man:
He believes in Santa Claus.
He doesn't believe in Santa Claus.
He is Santa Claus.

"The chinese make it an invariable rule to settle all their debts on New Years Day."
"So I understand, but, then, the Chinese don't have a Christmas the week before."


It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,
"What are you charged with?"

"Doing my Christmas shopping early", replied the defendant.
"That's no offence", said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"

"Before the store opened", countered the prisoner.